January 11

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,028
• Today’s word count: 31
• Thoughts: Well, I wrote more than a sentence today. At this point, I see that as a victory. I’m still struggling to get into and stay in a writing mindset. There’s a lot to worry about these days and as much as I would welcome a distraction, I’m not doing a good job of keeping my mind off of it. Eventually it will get better. I’m just not patient.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Another day full of attempts to write. One of these days I will get everything working the way it should again. 2021 is just turning out to be a constant stream of stressful, terrible events. I just need a break so I can recover from the awfulness of 2020 and I’m not getting it.

January 12

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,122
• Today’s word count: 94
• Thoughts: I wrote a bit more today! What was different about today? I have no idea! I just sat down to write like every day and more words than usual happened. I’m not complaining, but I wish I knew how to replicate it or even improve upon what I managed to do today.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Let’s see if I can write more than today. I’ve written so much more than this in the past, but things are so strange and awful these day I don’t want to compare too much.

January 13

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,211
• Today’s word count: 89
• Thoughts: Things weren’t looking good for today. I almost went to bed after writing five words, but then I realized I had some more words in me. I wrote them and it was great. If I’d managed to focus on writing earlier in the day, I think I could have written even more but I was already drained by the time I got to it.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Write more. Write earlier. It might not be possible. These days I get mentally and emotionally exhausted out of nowhere. One minute I’m fine and the next I need to sleep and reset.

January 14

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,217
• Today’s word count: 6
• Thoughts: Today wasn’t my day. I stared at my writing for ages and thought about what I could write for a long while. Then I wrote a few words, deleted them, and wrote the same words again slightly differently. It wasn’t a great day.
• Tomorrow’s goal: It’ll be Friday, but I hope it will be a better day than today. Anything could happen these days.

January 15

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,227
• Today’s word count: 10
• Thoughts: Eh. Today was such a typical Friday. I want to be mad about it, but I’m just happy to have a typical Friday. I’ve been anxious lately so having a peaceful, ordinary day was refreshing.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I hope I’m able to write. I haven’t had much luck lately and I’m starting to feel impatient again. I don’t want to push myself when I’m already so stressed out about everything else, but I also don’t want to miss out on perfectly good writing time because I was too afraid to try.

January 16

No writing progress made.

I did chores. I had a panic attack. After that, I had no strength at all to put into creativity. I’ll try again tomorrow.

January 17

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,262
• Today’s word count: 35
• Thoughts: The effects of having a panic attack really hit me hard today. I felt absolutely drained. It took me forever to actually start writing once I decided I was ready. I probably wasn’t ready. Even after all these weeks of struggling to write, I haven’t broken the habit of sitting down and at least trying to write every day. Not having writing time feels wrong.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I’d love to write more. I don’t know if it’ll happen, but I have to hope. Maybe if the world doesn’t get any worse I can make it work.

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