May 10 & 11

No writing progress made.

I’m still processing everything that has happened. I’m focusing on taking care of myself and my other cat, Demi. She’s a good girl and she doesn’t understand why her buddy hasn’t come home.

May 12

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 211,729
• Today’s word count: 3
• Thoughts: I wanted to write today but I don’t think I was ready. I was thinking about my story and where I needed to take it next, but taking those thoughts and turning them into words was still beyond me. I’m tired. I need rest. That’s the only way I’m going to feel better.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Maybe I’ll write. Maybe I won’t. I don’t know how I’ll feel or if I’ll try to push myself before I’m ready again. I just really want to feel ready to write again.

May 13

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 211,739
• Today’s word count: 10
• Thoughts: I’m still not back in my writing groove. I’m trying really hard not to beat myself up about it. It’s very obvious when I sit down and try to write I’m not okay. Eventually I’ll be okay again, but it will take time. I need to give myself that time and stop being so impatient.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Maybe I’ll write. Maybe I’ll be too drained by errands and chores to do much else. I don’t know. I just don’t want to put any sort of pressure on myself right now.

May 14 & 15

No writing progress made.

I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t have the focus or motivation. Honestly, I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts. I tried to keep busy and it mostly worked.

We had to collect Josh’s ashes on Friday and that was so hard. I felt exhausted and drained after that and I tried to use the time I had to recover. I don’t know how good of a job I did at recovering but sometimes I feel better. Then at other times I feel worse again.

May 16

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 211,750
• Today’s word count: 11
• Thoughts: I felt okay enough for a time today to at least try to write. I didn’t have much success, but I’m glad that I tried. I just wish I’d written more so I’d have some momentum built up.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I don’t know what to expect. I’d like to write. I think I’m ready to write.

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