That about sums up my feelings about the third week of NaNoWriMo. This month is kicking my butt from all angles.
Even though we’re approaching six months of living here, I’m still working hard to get settled into our new home. Some of it is never going to end. Owning a home is one project after another, but I’m talking about getting settled enough to feel satisfied and comfortable. I’m not there yet and my to-do list is a bigger distraction and time sink than I thought it would be.
If that was my only issue, I think I would still be okay. However, I have more distractions and upheaval than that going on this month. Twitter happened to implode just in time for the start of NaNoWriMo. This might not seem like a month ruining even on the surface, but Twitter is where I’ve built up my NaNo community for years. Now my place to go for support and camaraderie is on fire. People are upset. People are just gone. If I want to keep up with the friends I’ve made of the years on one app, I need to divide my attention across a half dozen or so social media apps now. I’m scrambling to keep up. At the same time I’m dealing with hurt and anger over how things are going on Twitter itself. To say it’s been a distraction would be an understatement.
I’m also regretting my decision to work on The Dreams. It could’ve all worked out if other things hadn’t started to go wrong. After three weeks of struggle, I think working on something shiny and new would have at least given me a small bump in enthusiasm. I also wouldn’t feel the pressure to stay on topic and follow the path I know for this story like the back of my hand. I could meander and follow my fancy to, well, anywhere. However, I know I’d regret losing a whole month of work on this project. It’s the one I want to see through to the end.
At this point the question is: do I think I can turn this NaNoWriMo around with just a week and a few days to go?
I don’t think it is impossible. If I make it happen, it’s going to hurt. I’d be pushing myself to my absolute limit.
I want to win. I’m still trying to figure out if it will be worth it to push myself like that mentally and physically. No matter what I decide, I’m going to keep writing. This project still needs to reach the end and I won’t get there by feeling discouraged and giving up.