March 1

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 204,409
• Today’s word count: 128
• Thoughts: This day had so much potential. I started writing in the afternoon which is rare for me these days. I lost my momentum pretty quickly. Life is just too distracting. I could do a better job of blocking distractions out but I get anxious about missing important things. I know I can do better. I just need to come up with a better strategy for managing my anxiety so I can do the work I need to do.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I don’t know if I’ll have a better strategy by tomorrow, but I want to write more. We’ll see what happens.

March 2

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 204,554
• Today’s word count: 145
• Thoughts: I thought this day would be great. Then I had to live the day and it wasn’t nearly as great as I expected. Writing didn’t come easily. I really thought that things would go smoothly today and I started to despair when it didn’t work out that way. I trudged through the muck and managed to write something.
• Tomorrow’s goal: A good writing day would be nice. I haven’t had one in a while. I want to make it happen.

March 3

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 204,643
• Today’s word count: 89
• Thoughts: Today was a start and stop writing day. I wrote a sentence or two. Then I stopped. I wrote another sentence or two and I needed a break. It wasn’t ideal. I do so much better when I can focus on writing for a decent length of time even if I don’t write a lot during that time. The best possible day would probably be multiple writing sessions at least 30 minutes long, but I’m not in a mental place to make that happen consistently these days.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Hopefully I can spend more time on writing. Getting at least one solid writing session in would feel like a huge win at this point.

March 4

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 204,702
• Today’s word count: 59
• Thoughts: Today was a chaotic day. I was away early. I went on a walk. I came home exhausted and never got the lost energy back. I don’t regret the walk, but I need to plan better. Going on a walk in the morning isn’t a bad idea, but it doesn’t work out well when I didn’t get enough sleep the night before. I’ll probably go on more walks after getting a proper night’s sleep now that the weather is starting to improve. Hopefully those walks will have a positive effect on my writing.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Right now I don’t even feel like setting a goal. I want to just see what happens if I let myself do whatever I want after I wrap up my errands.

March 5

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 204,708
• Today’s word count: 6
• Thoughts: Was having no goal the problem or was the day in general the problem? I don’t know. I struggled to get any words down and I have no confidence in the few words I wrote and kept.
• Tomorrow’s goal: It’s going to be wintery cold but I’m going to go out and walk around for Pokemon Go community day anyway. We’ll see how the affects my ability to write. I’ll have less time but will I have less inspiration?

March 6

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 204,767
• Today’s word count: 59
• Thoughts: I was outside for a long time today. It was cold and windy, but it was really great just to be somewhere else for a while. There’s still some piles of snow trying to thaw out, but around the park there were plenty of signs of spring coming soon! Eventually I did come back home and I tried to write a bit before going to sleep. It wasn’t much, but I didn’t delete the same sentences over and over. In fact, I added a bit here and there to the latest scene because I’ve been too hard on myself and cutting things I shouldn’t.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Hopefully I’ll write more. I can tell there was a shift in my mindset today so I’m optimistic about seeing change in my writing habits. I doubt it will be drastic, but a small change can make a big difference when dealing with this monster of a project.

March 7

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 204,988
• Today’s word count: 221
• Thoughts: Wow! I hoped and hoped for a day like this and I finally got it. I wrote without deleting the same sentence multiple times. Getting some momentum behind my words worked just like I knew it would. I’m still not writing very quickly, but managing a net gain hundreds of words over the course of the day is a huge step in the right direction.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Obviously I want to build on today’s success. I’m in a part of the story I really wanted to build on and expand in this draft. These parts are the most exciting for me. Maybe part of my problem is trying to give as much attention to parts of the story that are already strong as the parts that I know need a rewrite. I need to get better a revising my drafts.

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February 22

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 204,001
• Today’s word count: 34
• Thoughts: I think I’m in another writing funk. A bad day or two is all it takes. I hope I’ll be able to claw my way back to normal soon. It’s just hard to find the right way to reset and approach my writing from a different angle these days.
• Tomorrow’s goal: If I’m being optimistic, tomorrow will be the day things go back to normal. Realistically, I’m going to do my best to show up and write.

February 23

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 204,104
• Today’s word count: 103
• Thoughts: I wrote more than yesterday but I don’t feel like I’m getting back on track. It was such a struggle to get the words out. I sat and stared at my blinking cursor for away too long. The words were there but they were too deep inside my brain to easily escape.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Let’s get back on track! I’ve gotta be close. Feeling the words inside my head and not being able to get the process to work smoothly enough to get the words out. How will I do it? No idea at all. As always, I try everything until something works.

February 24

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 204,171
• Today’s word count: 67
• Thoughts: Once again my biggest achievement of the day was actually showing up to do the work. I didn’t get much done. My sinuses were rebelling against the rest of my body. Other than my sinuses being a distracting, painful wreck, the rest of me felt fine. I tried to find some relief with sinus medication and drinking hot tea to make it easier to breathe. Seeking relief was time consuming and because I didn’t get much from it, I didn’t benefit from increased productivity afterward.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow. The weather is changing a lot and I’m certain that’s what is causing my sinuses to go haywire. It might level out by tomorrow or it might take a week or two for things to go back to normal. As long as I’m able to think clearly enough to write, I’ll be happy.

February 25

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 204,195
• Today’s word count: 24
• Thoughts: Migraine. That sinus trouble from yesterday turned into a migraine overnight. The only reason I even got out of bed today was to try to find some relief.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Hopefully I’ll feel better because I have errands to run and I’d really like to get back to writing too.

February 26

No writing progress made. I had to run errands while still trying to recover from a migraine. After that I was pretty much out of spoons. I knew pretty early in the day that I wasn’t going to write.

February 27

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 204,255
• Today’s word count: 60
• Thoughts: I wrote a bit which feels like an even bigger accomplishment than usual because I had a very busy day. A lot of chores got pushed back because of the migraine so I was scrambling to get as much done as possible. I didn’t have a chance to think much about writing until it was already past the time I would usually go to bed. Somehow I still had a bit of energy left so I typed a few words. It’s not much, but something is always better than nothing.
• Tomorrow’s goal: The forecast says it is going to be a cold, rainy day and I’m fully prepared to stay inside and escape into a world of my own creation.

February 28

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 204,281
• Today’s word count: 26
• Thoughts: My creative energy was at a low point today. I had time to write, but everything I wrote fell flat. I tried not to delete everything I wrote because I need to keep moving forward and hope tomorrow will be better.
• Tomorrow’s goal: It’ll be the start of a new week and a new month. Maybe that will be enough to give my mind a reset. I’m hoping it will work. I need something. It’s been almost an entire year or just constantly feeling off and anxious about everything. Part of me feels like I should have adjusted to the chaos and uncertainty by now, but I know that’s not how living with chaos and uncertainty works.

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February 15

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 203,478
• Today’s word count: 208
• Thoughts: My writing was all over the place today. I started writing pretty early in the day (for me) and then I stopped. I stayed away from writing for hours and hours. I didn’t mean to stop for so long, but it all worked out in the end. I got a ton of writing motivation pretty late at night and I actually wrote more words!
• Tomorrow’s goal: I have to hope I can write at least as much as today. Maybe doing a bit of writing earlier in the day and then letting myself not feel bad about needing to write more later is the new secret to getting my writing done.

February 16

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 203,639
• Today’s word count: 161
• Thoughts: Getting started was the hardest part today. I got caught up in preparing for another winter storm headed this way later this week. Hearing about the trouble people are having in Texas has made me extra anxious even though we are more prepared for winter weather up here. Once I got started for writing, it came to me easily. I finished up a scene. I probably could have written more, but wrapping up that scene told my creativity to shut off for the night.
• Tomorrow’s goal: It’s been a while since I got to start out writing for the day with a new scene. I’m kinda excited. I hope this excitement will carry over to being productive all day.

February 17

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 203,842
• Today’s word count: 203
• Thoughts: I felt the winter storm coming and it kept me up half the night. At least I managed to get some words written while I wasn’t going to bed. I’m so ready for winter to be over.
• Tomorrow’s goal: There’s going to be so much snow. I hope I can just hide inside and write, but I know I’m probably going to spend the day worrying about digging out from out front door. Maybe it will snow enough that we’ll have an excuse to stay home for a few days. That’d be nice, at least.

February 18

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 203,917
• Today’s word count: 75
• Thoughts: I was so incredibly anxious today. It was exhausting and distracting. Once I managed to get past the anxiety, I was too tired to do much of anything. I hate days like this.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Maybe it would be best not to have a goal, but that feels wrong. I’ll just keep my expectations low since I don’t even know if I will be able to go outside to run my errands. If I’m stuck at home all day I might manage to have an exceptionally productive Friday. Or I might not.

February 19

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 203,920
• Today’s word count: 3
• Thoughts: Today was not my day. I didn’t sleep well, I ended up taking a nap. I don’t remember the last time I napped. A few years ago I was napping all the time, but my sleep schedule has become a little more stable since then, but I guess I’m off routine enough to need it right now. However, it threw off my routine. I tried to write and my focus was gone. Nothing I tried brought it back.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I want to sleep, reset and have a better time tomorrow. It shouldn’t be too hard, right? I hope I can make it work.

February 20

No writing progress made.

I had a really bad day. I didn’t feel well and it completely drained me. Feeling terrible didn’t last all day but even after I started to feel better I was too tired to be creative. Hopefully feeling better at the end of the day means I won’t feel terrible again tomorrow.

February 21

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 203,967
• Today’s word count: 47
• Thoughts: I wrote. It wasn’t much, but at least I wrote something. That automatically makes today better than yesterday. I felt a lot better than yesterday too. It just wasn’t easy to get back in the swing of things after writing practically nothing at all over the past two days. Getting back on track won’t be easy.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I need to make an effort to focus on writing. My phone has been blowing up with winter weather advisories again so I think I’ll be hiding from snow once again. Hopefully I can keep from worrying too much this time.

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February 8

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 202,603
• Today’s word count: 160
• Thoughts: I had some good moments of clarity in regards to my writing today, but I also ended up doing more non writing things than I originally planned. It all worked out in the end, but every time I do something other than writing, I start to worry that I’m going to run out of time. I know I can’t write all day every day. Even if I could physically make it happen, I would burn out so quickly without time to refill my creative well. I need to learn to cut myself some slack because I just make it harder to use the time I do have.
• Tomorrow’s goal: All I want to do is chill out and write. It’s the middle of winter. It’s snowing almost every other day. The chilling part of chilling out should be easy.

February 9

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 202,634
• Today’s word count: 31
• Thoughts: I mostly failed on both my goals. I didn’t do much chilling out or writing. It wasn’t what I planned, but it was what I got. I tried to write anyway. My efforts probably stressed me out and made it even harder to do what I wanted to do in the first place. Go me.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I want to try the chill out and write plan again. I have some chores to do around the apartment, but I doubt that will take up too much of my time. I should be able to write a decent amount if I get out of my own head.

February 10

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 202,758
• Today’s word count: 124
• Thoughts: Well, I wrote. It didn’t happen during the day. It didn’t happen during the evening. I was too busy distracting myself from worrying about the snow. Then the snow started and I settled in and made an attempt to write. I didn’t write quickly, but I stayed up for a long time picking away at this part of the draft.
• Tomorrow’s goal: The plan is to sleep in and then get back to writing. I know this part of the story. I’m getting to parts I really want to rewrite so it should be too hard to get motivated. I just need to avoid getting distracted.

February 11

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 202,874
• Today’s word count: 116
• Thoughts: Today ended up being about the same as yesterday. I was distracted. I was anxious and needed distraction. Unfortunately, writing didn’t seem to be the distraction I needed.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I never know what to expect from a Friday. I have errands to run like usual. After that there’s no way to know how much focus I will have after completing those tasks.

February 12

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 202,897
• Today’s word count: 23
• Thoughts: I managed to get my hopes up about my writing for a while, but then I couldn’t actually get myself to sit down and write. Fridays can be really distracting.
• Tomorrow’s goal: At least it won’t be Friday. I should have plenty of time to sit down and write. The only question is whether I can make it happen.

February 13

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 203,152
• Today’s word count: 255
• Thoughts: My boyfriend bought us some new games and I told myself I wasn’t allowed to play unless I wrote at least 250 words. It worked! I really thought I would cave in and start playing before I reached my goal, but I stuck by my plan. I’m really proud of myself.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I wonder if I can bribe myself to write again with the game? I guess I won’t know if I don’t try.

February 14

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 203,270
• Today’s word count: 118
• Thoughts: I think I was a bit too eager to get back to playing my new game today. I didn’t stick it out and make sure I wrote as much as yesterday. I should have stuck with my original plans and stayed away from playing any games until I wrote at least the 250 words I wanted to write. Time to work on my willpower.
• Tomorrow’s goal: The weather is supposed to get really nasty again. I won’t be going anywhere and I’ll be preparing for the possibility of a power outage. I hope I don’t have to try to handwrite by candle light. Writing like that sounds like it might be a fun change of pace, but I do not want to deal with the headache of a power outage.

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February 1

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,799
• Today’s word count: 97
• Thoughts: Today was a bit better writing-wise. What made the difference? I wish I knew! I just sat down to write and more than a few words came out. It’s still not a ton of words, but it is more than I’ve written in one day in a long while. Sometimes just showing up to write works.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I’m going to do the only thing that seems to work even some of the time. I’ll sit down and give myself time to write. Will I improve off today’s word count? Who knows?

February 2

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 202,016
• Today’s word count: 217
• Thoughts: Am I back on track? Maybe? I wrote more today than I’ve managed any other day lately. I wish I knew what was different. I think I’m just starting to get back to normal. My stress levels are quite as high. Nothing particularly upsetting has happened lately so maybe I’ve managed to recover a bit.
• Tomorrow’s goal: More writing! If I’m actually getting back into writing form, I can’t lose my momentum. I’m feeling a lot better about showing up to write every day now.

February 3

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 202,235
• Today’s word count: 219
• Thoughts: I managed to write a bit again today! I think I’m doing better. It’s still not easy, but I’m showing up and it’s finally paying off. Every day I write more than a few words I feel better about my decision to keep trying. Persistence pays off!
• Tomorrow’s goal: After two days of significantly more writing than usual, I’m not going to stop. I haven’t noticed any real changes in my mental state, but I think I must be doing better. I am able to write again now without deleting and rewriting the same small bit over and over again.

February 4

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 202,315
• Today’s word count: 80
• Thoughts: Well, today wasn’t as great as yesterday. What went wrong? I’m not sure. My mind just didn’t focus as well or anything today. Maybe it was just a fluke. I guess I’ll just have to keep writing over the next few days and see what happens.
• Tomorrow’s goal: It’ll be Friday so I know I shouldn’t set my expectations too high. However, I really, really want to write. I’ve been having such a good week. I’m getting back on track and I don’t want that to stop.

February 5

No writing progress made. My day didn’t go as planned at all, but it was still a good day overall. I was pretty tired after running errands so maybe writing would have been too draining.

February 6

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 202,417
• Today’s word count: 102
• Thoughts: I had a slightly more chaotic day than I expected, but it worked out in my favor. Sometimes I don’t realize how much I need to blow off steam and just relax for a while. It took up a decent amount of time and energy and I also had chores to do. However, I found myself wanting to write after it was all done. It was late, but I sat down and after a bit of struggle and self-doubt I wrote. I think I could have written more, but before I knew it, 3 a.m. was approaching and I knew I needed to sleep.
• Tomorrow’s goal: We’re getting more snow. I don’t think it is going to be another huge storm, but there is no way I’m going outside for any reason during a snow storm. I should have plenty of time to stare at my draft and will some more words onto the page. Hopefully I’ll managed to make the magic happen before I should already be in bed.

February 7

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 202,443
• Today’s word count: 26
• Thoughts: Oh boy. I just couldn’t get into writing today. I put in the time but the words just wouldn’t come out. The only good thing that came out of my writing today was my tiny amount of progress wasn’t hampered by writing and rewriting the same sentence over and over again. I think I’ve broken past that mental hurdle for now.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I want to write, but I also need to brace myself for more snow this week. It’s unending! We should be okay food-wise but I’m still going to go through the usual checklist in case we’re stuck inside past our usual grocery store run. Considering how productive I can be when I have little tasks around this house to take care of when I need to pause and think, tomorrow might be a very good day for writing.

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January 25

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,655
• Today’s word count: 39
• Thoughts: I had way too much energy again today. I need to figure out how to direct this into writing because so far I’m finding it a lot easier to do everything else. Random things are getting organized, but I’d much rather write. Every time I sit down, I feel like I need to get up and move.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Can I keep the energy and lose the restlessness? I’d really, really love to have the energy to keep writing more and more words.

January 26

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,665
• Today’s word count: 10
• Thoughts: My mind refused to focus. I probably tried to write for too long. There’s a certain point where I know I’m just going to end up rewriting the same line over and over and I need to walk away when I get there.
• Tomorrow’s goal: More writing. Less deleting. I can do this!

January 27

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,689
• Today’s word count: 24
• Thoughts: I was able to sit still to write today. That’s progress. Unfortunately, I was still left sitting staring at my cursor for way too much of my allotted writing time. My confidence is shattered after struggling to write for so long. I want to write, but I feel like I can’t do it well now. It’s probably not true, but I know I’m rusty. I can fix clunky sentences, but writing sentences knowing they’re clunky makes me want to stop and fix them immediately because I know I can do better.
• Tomorrow’s goal: More writing, please? I need to get past cringing at every line I write. The only way I see that happening is by writing so much that I can’t possibly cringe at it all.

January 28

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,696
• Today’s word count: 7
• Thoughts: Today was awful. I struggled so hard and I just didn’t get anywhere. My confidence in my own writing abilities is definitely shaken. I’m not sure where I should go from here. Obviously something needs to change. I think changing my mindset will help a lot, but I don’t know how to go about resetting right now. Getting out of the house and completely changing up my routine for a few days isn’t really possible. There has to be another way.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I have my quest. I need to find a way to change the way I think when attempting to write. There has to be a way to get there from home.

January 29

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,700
• Today’s word count: 4
• Thoughts: Well, I showed up to write. That’s about all I could do. Not much happened during writing time, but I tried.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I don’t know. Maybe I’ll try to write. Maybe I’ll take a day off. I’ll see how I feel in the morning. Right now I think I need to keep trying different things to get myself into a better writing mindset. I haven’t tried not writing for a day in a while. It might be time to try it again.

January 30

No writing progress made.

I decided to take the day off. I don’t know how successful the plan was. We’ll have to see how my writing time goes on Sunday, but I don’t want to put too much pressure on myself because we’re going to be in the midst of a snowstorm tomorrow. I’m always distracted by snow. It’s pretty, but also causes me a lot of worry. Then there’s the extra work is causes if we’re snowed in and need to get out before the landlord can make it over here to shovel the sidewalk in front of the building.

January 31

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,702
• Today’s word count: 2
• Thoughts: Wow. What a word count. Today was a bust. I had plenty of time to write, but I was first distracted by snow and later I got knocked down by another migraine. I can’t escape them these days. I blame the weather, the heat running hard, and various disruptions to my routine. The last one is probably making it even harder than usual to write too.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I want to write. I really, really want to write. Will circumstances get in the way of that desire to be productive? Or will I actually get the words written?

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January 18

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,334
• Today’s word count: 73
• Thoughts: I wrote! It’s not a lot, but it is more than 10 words. Every time this happens I find myself hoping this is a sign of things turning around. I’d love to start writing more and more again, but I think that day is still a long way off.
• Tomorrow’s goal: More writing, of course. I should have at least one good chunk of time to sit down and write something. Or attempt to write something. I’ll put in the time and try. Maybe something good will happen.

January 19

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,493
• Today’s word count: 159
• Thoughts: I think this was the most I wrote in one day all month. I wish I knew what made today different from all the other days I tried to write. The only thing I can guess might have done it was the tea I drank way too late at night that kept me up past my usual bed time. Hopefully that wasn’t it because it isn’t a sustainable way to write.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Let’s see what I can do to keep the momentum going. I doubt I’ll be drinking tea very late, but maybe I can try to rearrange my routine a bit so I’ll get into that late night writing time mindset earlier.

January 20

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,535
• Today’s word count: 42
• Thoughts: Writing ended up being a lower priority today. I was distracted, but it was a happy distracted for once. I’m not going to beat myself up over it.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Back to writing! It should be a quiet, uneventful Thursday. I might grab my laptop and find a cozy corner of a different room to write in. The change of pace might help me pick up the pace.

January 21

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,558
• Today’s word count: 23
• Thoughts: I went into today with so much hope. That hope didn’t last long. A migraine showed up. Typically nothing gets done once I have a migraine and today turned out to be a pretty typical migraine day.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I’m going to try to sleep off the migraine and have a better day tomorrow. However, it will still be a Friday. I have errands to run. I’m worried about facing that with a lingering migraine. If the migraine sticks around, I doubt I’ll get any writing done after I finish my errands.

January 22

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,581
• Today’s word count: 23
• Thoughts: Well, at least I know where to put the blame for not getting much done today in writing or outside of it. Sleep didn’t kick the migraine. I managed to push myself through the stuff I couldn’t avoid and then I was done for the day. I probably should have gone back to bed instead of trying to do anything more.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Once again I’m hoping for a good night’s sleep and the end of this migraine. I don’t know what to expect. The weather is weird and I’m pretty sure that’s contributing to my migraine.

January 23

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,590
• Today’s word count: 9
• Thoughts: I thought I was safe from the migraine after sleeping, but I was wrong. I don’t know if it is the same migraine or if a new one came right after the original migraine. It didn’t stick around all day but it kicked my butt. I tried to write but I gave up pretty quickly and focuses on trying to feel better for tomorrow.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Maybe another sleep will get me out of this migraine funk?

January 24

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,616
• Today’s word count: 26
• Thoughts: I had so much energy today! It was too much energy, actually. I couldn’t sit still for long. I felt like I was screaming at myself to just write while I danced around the room. Maybe it was all the energy I couldn’t expend during the last migraine trying to escape all at once. I like having enough energy to get things done, but I don’t like my plans being derailed by excessive energy.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I’d love to find a happy medium between having all the energy and no energy at all. It’d also be great if I could manage to not be in pain. Those are wishes more than goals, unfortunately.  I need to focus on getting focused because my time and energy has been pulled in too many directions lately. Most of the things I’ve been doing aren’t important to me or to anyone else. I need to find a way to cut them without causing others to suddenly find them very important to them.

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January 11

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,028
• Today’s word count: 31
• Thoughts: Well, I wrote more than a sentence today. At this point, I see that as a victory. I’m still struggling to get into and stay in a writing mindset. There’s a lot to worry about these days and as much as I would welcome a distraction, I’m not doing a good job of keeping my mind off of it. Eventually it will get better. I’m just not patient.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Another day full of attempts to write. One of these days I will get everything working the way it should again. 2021 is just turning out to be a constant stream of stressful, terrible events. I just need a break so I can recover from the awfulness of 2020 and I’m not getting it.

January 12

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,122
• Today’s word count: 94
• Thoughts: I wrote a bit more today! What was different about today? I have no idea! I just sat down to write like every day and more words than usual happened. I’m not complaining, but I wish I knew how to replicate it or even improve upon what I managed to do today.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Let’s see if I can write more than today. I’ve written so much more than this in the past, but things are so strange and awful these day I don’t want to compare too much.

January 13

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,211
• Today’s word count: 89
• Thoughts: Things weren’t looking good for today. I almost went to bed after writing five words, but then I realized I had some more words in me. I wrote them and it was great. If I’d managed to focus on writing earlier in the day, I think I could have written even more but I was already drained by the time I got to it.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Write more. Write earlier. It might not be possible. These days I get mentally and emotionally exhausted out of nowhere. One minute I’m fine and the next I need to sleep and reset.

January 14

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,217
• Today’s word count: 6
• Thoughts: Today wasn’t my day. I stared at my writing for ages and thought about what I could write for a long while. Then I wrote a few words, deleted them, and wrote the same words again slightly differently. It wasn’t a great day.
• Tomorrow’s goal: It’ll be Friday, but I hope it will be a better day than today. Anything could happen these days.

January 15

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,227
• Today’s word count: 10
• Thoughts: Eh. Today was such a typical Friday. I want to be mad about it, but I’m just happy to have a typical Friday. I’ve been anxious lately so having a peaceful, ordinary day was refreshing.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I hope I’m able to write. I haven’t had much luck lately and I’m starting to feel impatient again. I don’t want to push myself when I’m already so stressed out about everything else, but I also don’t want to miss out on perfectly good writing time because I was too afraid to try.

January 16

No writing progress made.

I did chores. I had a panic attack. After that, I had no strength at all to put into creativity. I’ll try again tomorrow.

January 17

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 201,262
• Today’s word count: 35
• Thoughts: The effects of having a panic attack really hit me hard today. I felt absolutely drained. It took me forever to actually start writing once I decided I was ready. I probably wasn’t ready. Even after all these weeks of struggling to write, I haven’t broken the habit of sitting down and at least trying to write every day. Not having writing time feels wrong.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I’d love to write more. I don’t know if it’ll happen, but I have to hope. Maybe if the world doesn’t get any worse I can make it work.

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January 4

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 200,821
• Today’s word count: 20
• Thoughts: I’m still in a funk. I don’t know how to get out of it. I just keep sitting down and attempting to write with little or no results. I think I need a change of pace. Maybe I should try writing something by hand. The idea of changing things up right now is exhausting before I even try.
• Tomorrow’s goal: More writing attempts. I’m not giving up. I want to write and I’m going to figure out a way to get past this anxiety/stress/low self-esteem mental block and make it happen.

January 5

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 200,851
• Today’s word count: 30
• Thoughts: I’m still not feeling like myself when it comes to writing. However, I can feel myself getting closer. I picked up a game I hadn’t played in a while today and reentering that world gave me a huge creative boost. I have ideas. I feel inspired. All I need to do is get myself back on my feet and I should be writing up a storm in no time. At least, that’s what I hope will happen. As long as no more disasters pop up to derail me, I can do this.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Writing! I’ve been wanting to write for a while now but now that I’m feeling truly inspired again, I don’t know how I could be stopped. If anything tries to stop me, I need to run far, far away from it and protect this writing mojo.

January 6

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 200,890
• Today’s word count: 39
• Thoughts: My best plans couldn’t stand up against the mess of today. I tried to avoid doomscrolling and failed. Badly. I attempted to write, but my mind was so distracted and I couldn’t stick to anything for long.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Is it too much to hope for a peaceful day full of writing? It might be. 2021 is already off to a rough start.

January 7

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 200,913
• Today’s word count: 23
• Thoughts: Oh boy. I feel like I spent most of my writing time today staring at a sentence I just wrote and then deleting it to rewrite it. If I was working on a first draft, I know I would have left it alone and moved on, but this is a third draft and I can’t justify leaving something I’m genuinely unhappy with in the draft to be dealt with later.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Considering I put more time and energy into my writing than other days lately, I’m feeling pretty optimistic about my ability to get back to work, even if it will be another chaotic, errand full Friday. I’ll see what I can do.

January 8

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 200,974
• Today’s word count: 61
• Thoughts: I can’t believe I managed to write more than any other day lately on a Friday. I was busy. I was distracted. Somehow I still sat down and wrote more than two sentences. It’s not much, but I’m going to celebrate any sort of improvement.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I really, really hope I can write even more. After the past 6 weeks or so I know better than to hope for too much, but I want to keep pushing myself to do better and be better every single day.

January 9

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 200,991
• Today’s word count: 17
• Thoughts: I couldn’t get into a writing rhythm today. It really bothered me. I thought I was getting back to normal, but now I think it was too soon to celebrate. I guess I’m just a little disappointed.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Hopefully I can get back to writing. I’m trying to be optimistic. Eventually that optimism will pay off. It should be a very quiet Sunday so I have a good chance of making it work out for me.

January 10

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 200,997
• Today’s word count: 6
• Thoughts: This was an awful day for writing. I complained a bit about it on Twitter and someone pointed out to me that this week has been horrible and it is perfectly understandable why someone would have trouble righting at the moment. I feel like every week lately has had something happen that makes it harder to be creative. I’ve thought about disappearing from the internet for a month before and it is seeming more and more tempting, but I also think my anxiety would demand to be plugged in after a day or two because I know the world is a mess.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I just want to write. If I write two words, I’ll be happy. As long as I don’t stop, I can keep hoping that tomorrow will be the day that everything starts working again.

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December 28

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 200,622
• Today’s word count: 31
• Thoughts: I wrote! That’s two days in a row! It might not be much, but I’m calling this a success. I’m getting back into the swing of things. Writing hasn’t been going well for me for so long that I know I need to be kind to myself and really celebrate the small victories. If I don’t I’ll only end up feeling discouraged.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I’m looking forward to a quiet, peaceful Tuesday. It should be a good day for writing. I can’t wait to see how it will work out for me.

December 29

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 200,713
• Today’s word count: 13
• Thoughts: It did end up being a quiet, peaceful Tuesday, but I still couldn’t find the mental fortitude to get past this writing slump. I’ll get there eventually. I’m just really, really impatient. I want to write and it drives me up the wall to try to make it happen only to find some important part of me isn’t up to the task.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I’m trying again. If you haven’t noticed, I can’t stop trying. Every day the need to write is there following me around and pushing me to keep trying. These slumps always have me questioning whether I’m a writer, but then I realize a non-writer would be able to step back and take an actual break without trying to write every day.

December 30

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 200,722
• Today’s word count: 9
• Thoughts: I keep writing less and less. That’s the opposite of what I wanted to do. I’m probably putting too much pressure on myself. That is a significant problem because I really don’t know how to stop piling these expectations on myself. If I’m going to write, I expect to actually write.
• Tomorrow’s goal: Well, I’m going to keep trying to write. I can tell I have to write. I’m just failing to find the way to get past these final mental blocks to make it happen. At this point I’m struggling to accurately identify the mental blocks themselves so I’m still one step away from getting through this.

December 31

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 200,751
• Today’s word count: 29
• Thoughts: I wrote a bit more than yesterday but I’m still not back on track. Being patient is hard. Tomorrow being a new year won’t magically change everything for the better, but I’m hoping I can turn the page and knowing this is a new year will give me the ability to make a fresh start with my writing.
• Tomorrow’s goal: New year, new writing goals! We’re having a really low-key New Year so the plan is to run errands like a typical Friday. Hopefully everything will be really empty and it’ll be less stressful than usual!

January 1

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 200,765
• Today’s word count: 14
• Thoughts: New year, old struggles. Great. Just great. I’m so glad I haven’t managed to do the near-impossible and completely turn over a new leaf because the calendar switched over to a new year. I hoped it might push me to think differently and do better, but nothing really changed. Oh well. I’ll keep trying.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I’ll be trying again. Eventually this word dam is going to burst and I will be ready with my hands on the keyboard when it happens. I fully expect the flood of words to be awful at first, but once I get started, they will get better. Showing up every day will make sure I’m prepared to sit down and get to work.

January 2

No writing progress.

It wasn’t intentional. I had a project that required me to set up my old computer again. It needed a lot of work to get back to working order. That was a major distraction.

January 3

• Project: The Dreams
• Total word count: 200,801
• Today’s word count: 36
• Thoughts: I wrote again! I’m trying to celebrate every day I manage to write at this point because one of these days I’m going to write a lot of words in one day and it will be glorious. Until then I’m just going to keep trudging along and showing up to write.
• Tomorrow’s goal: I’m going to show up and write something. I don’t know how much I’ll write, but I’ll be there and I’ll see what happens.

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Enjoy my content? Want to be one of the first to see the new version of The Dreams? Pledge $1 on Patreon to gain early access to my work, bonus content and our Discord server!

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